It’s almost been a year since I lost one of my best friends to suicide. Here is a story and some pictures from one of the last times I saw her.

I met Anna while living in London, and in a short period of time we became really close friends. We kept in touch over the phone when I left the city, but as her mental health got worse, I suggested she came up to Scotland to get away from everything.

The second time she came up I decided to take her up one of my favourite accessible hills, The Cobbler, to get a glimpse of what the Scottish hills are like. We arrived in the car park to find a drizzly grey sky that didn’t look promising, but we were both excited to get out. She was rather unprepared, wearing a pair of paint spattered boots and an oversized, almost-waterproof jacket.

Setting off up the zigzag path, it was quickly apparent that her body was much more used to the flat streets of London. We took it nice and slow, planning many stops and an early lunch under the famous boulders.

Sheltering under the boulders

As we broke away from the Ben Ime path and towards the face, the clouds parted just enough to catch a glimpse of the Cobbler’s tooth-like pinnacles. Despite the dense cloud, I was quite excited for the hike. Anna’s energy had begun to drop though, and as this would be her first “proper” hill, she didn’t understand my buzz for the summit.

Beginning to see whats in store

Tired, cold and soggy

We reached the main ridge and targeted the top, trying to not be swept away by the coarse weather, and by the time we reached it, we could barely talk for the wind. The visibility was zero, and I felt a bit guilty for not allowing Anna to see how beautiful the Scottish scenery could be.

Battered by the wind on the ridge

Can’t see anything!

We hurried back down the back, linking again with the Ben Ime path that lead back down the hill. Anna seemed full of joy at what we’d achieved, even if we couldn’t see anything from the top. We were craving a big dinner and some dry clothes.

It was only maybe a week after this that I heard the news she’d taken her own life. And it was maybe 4 months later that I came to terms with what happened. I’m so glad that we got to share a part of Scotland together, giving me lasting memories of her, and hopefully giving her a happy moment in her final few days.

 

I miss you Anna.